


Bike Rides

by Sabina7



Series: Nikolaj and Gwendoline - His & Hers [2]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV), Game of Thrones RPF
Genre: Diary/Journal, F/M, Love, RPF, Secret Crush, Workplace, Workplace crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:00:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24850444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabina7/pseuds/Sabina7
Summary: I made this as a series to go alongside Gwendoline's Diary.For a while now I wanted to do Nik’s POV and if Gwen might have a diary I believe that is highly unlikely Nik would have one. He said he would go for bike rides in the mountains when he wants to get away from all the girls in his house. So I guess that’s his way of processing his thoughts.So here’s some of Nik’s bike ride Gwendoline-related internal dialogue.Enjoy!
Relationships: Gwendoline Christie & Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Gwendoline Christie/Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, gwendolaj - Relationship
Series: Nikolaj and Gwendoline - His & Hers [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797766
Comments: 12
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

Oh, this feels so good! How I love taking my bike out on a chilly morning. Ther is no better way to start the day! Plus I can run through my thoughts and make a battle plan. It’s way better than therapy and it’s certainly a lot cheaper.  
It’s been so nice to get to see the girls. I missed them so much. They are definitely my greatest accomplishment and now it feels like they are growing up so quickly, it’s shocking. I’m worried that one day I will come back home and they will be all grown up and I would have missed it all. I wonder how it would be if I wasn’t an actor. If I was a farmer or a lawyer or a doctor. I guess, I would have a wife and children but I wouldn’t have met Nukaka and I wouldn’t have Philippa and Safina, I would have other children with another woman. Oh, this is a distressing thought. Why would I even think about something like that? Oh, you are really disappointing Nikolaj! Stop thinking this way! It’s not like you can change things. You have nothing to complain about! You are not even unhappy! Life is what it is and there is no point for what-ifs. Now stop being stupid and make a plan of how you will approach the next bout of shooting.

I love this project. I accepted the job because I like the character. I love Jaime’s complexity and that he is not necessarily a bad guy but he is not a good guy either. It’s so much like real life. No one is purely good or purely evil. All bad people are good people who made not so good choices. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Many criminals could use the „What I do for love” line that I love so much. So far Jaime has set the scene for people to hate him and now his arc is starting. He’s about to meet the person who will change him. I know what will happen to Jaime up to end of season 3. I wonder what will happen to him after that but now it’s not the time to dwell on that. I must focus on the present. Jaime is about to meet Brienne of Tarth. She is a fierce warrior like he is, well, he will find that out soon enough but she is the opposite of him. He is beautiful. He looks like Prince Charming from Shrek! Oh, God, what they did to my hair in that pilot. I looked like a puppy with all that fluffy hair!!! George wanted to reverse the Beauty and the Beast story, so Jaime is the Beauty and Brienne is the Beast. Jaime would feel disgusted with her. I haven’t met Gwendoline Christie yet, the actress who will play Brienne but I did my research just like I always research my role and the characters I work with. I’m glad I looked Gwendoline up. I found a video of her in a play in which she is wearing a harness and is lowered onto the scene by a hoist. She is such a fierce person. She’s probably just as tall as I am, she’s pretty, not like Brienne who is meant to be ugly, I wonder how she would look in character. Gwendoline looks like a very friendly, joyful woman who is a terrible flirt. She couldn’t stop teasing and flirting with the technician guy putting on her harness and with the guy giving the interview.  
I also found some pictures of her in some very avant-garde dresses that are way out of my field of understanding. I will never get fashion in general and women’s fashion in particular, it is a total mystery for me, I don’t even bother trying to understand it. All I need to know is how to unbutton, unzip and unhook stuff to get the bloody things off. That’s all I care about.  
Going back to my future scene partner, I think the best way to deal with this is to go full method. Jaime is disgusted by her at first, he is intrigued by her, he slowly gets to know her so I think this is the best way to approach this. I will not make any effort to connect with Gwendoline at the beginning. I will be very distant, cold and I will act like Jaime would. I will focus on the things I don’t like and maintain the dislike as long as needed, like that I don’t have to have to act. I will just react. Acting is a lot easier when you just react to the environment.  
Ok, so now I have a plan. Now I need to head back home and start packing. I'm flying back to Belfast tomorrow morning. 

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Oh, wow, how much I needed this bike ride. I’m glad I could find a bike to rent and go off in the countryside. Northern Ireland is so beautiful. It’s a wonderful part of the world. I can’t wait to explore more. I can’t wait to go to Giant’s Causeway. I saw pictures and it’s fascinating to me. This planet is such a wonderful place and it’s so sad that us, humans can be so destructive. It makes me so angry when I think about it. I wish there was something I could do about it.  
Talking about being angry, I think I made Gwendoline extremely angry. She has such a fiery personality, it doesn’t take much to make her explode.  
I had planned to be distant and antagonise her from day one just to make it easy for our character’s interactions. When she came to meet me, she was so excited, she looked nervous. She came to the makeup trailer. I was texting Safina. She had texted me a drawing she made for me and I was focussed on that and on how much I missed her when Gwendoline came in and introduced herself. I didn’t pay attention to her. I just said „And...” and I returned to my phone. I know I was rude, but I did that on purpose to keep her at a distance. She didn’t say anything to my face. I wonder what she said behind my back. I don't think she's the sort of person to keep quiet. I only saw her face drop and she turned away and left. I felt like such an asshole but I know it was the right thing to do. All I did was I ignited a dislike and now I have to maintain it for quite some time from now on. We’ll warm towards each other as our characters get to know each other, we’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other. We’ll spend hours on end on set together. Plus I have a feeling she’s a bit of a flirt so it’s better if I don’t get any near that. I get enough trouble with all these women who can’t take their eyes off me. Blue eyes, blonde hair and being tall it’s a blessing and a curse. It’s hard to fight everyone’s advances. They all think that because I look a certain way I must be sleeping around. I don’t see it as such a big deal. Yes, I make money out of the way I look, I have to. I’m an actor and looks are important, but to be honest I would rather be appreciated for my acting and not for my looks. I had nothing to do with it. That’s just genes. I actually did not help my looks at all by braking my nose. Hardcore GoT fans have commented that my nose is not good enough for Jaime Lannister, and they are still not letting go of the fact that Jaime was meant to have green eyes. Oh, I wish people would just get a life! There are more important things going on in this world than the colour of the eyes of a fictional character. 

Talking about the attention I get from the ladies, I notice some of the crew, extras and even main cast get all flustered around me, they don’t get it that I’m not that special. I think it’s flattering but I don’t really see all the hype. I miss Nukaka and the girls. I wish they could be here. They are the only ladies that I care about in this whole world. I am so grateful to have them in my life. 

I think I might have taken things a bit too far with Gwendoline. She is so nervous when filming. I can tell she does not have any Tv experience, she’s a novice in all this and she has so much to learn. She is trying her best not to let it show but I think she is a bit overwhelmed. I need to make sure I say something nice to her. Something to let her know I am only being so rude to her because of the character and to give her hope that things will improve once our characters get closer. I’ll apologise about what Jaime says and I’ll reassure her that it’s not personal. That should give her something to hold on to. I won’t do any more than that because we’re in the middle of our journey through the forests of Northern Ireland and we need all the hate we can muster towards each other. 

I must admit I am nervous about this role. When I first told my friends about this show, they were like OH, wow! HBO, congratulations and when they found out it was fiction and it had dragons in it,.... the OHs, became commiserating OHs. But the show's popularity has grown each year. It was always expected to have a good audience because of the fans of the books but the audience is growing with each episode and the pressure grows with it. This has the potential to grow into something huge. I just hope I can do a good enough job to have D&D keep me in the series till the end. We don’t know what happens past season 3, and then when the series will overtake the progress George made with the books, it will be all in D&D’s hands. I feel I have a good grasp on Jaime’s motivations and feelings, and I want to explore his arc, I hope they will give him a good one. I have so many ideas, and I tend to disagree with the writers. I get myself into arguments with them but that’s because I want to make it a very good series. I can get a bit heated sometimes. I am so passionate about my job in general and telling a good story in particular, I tend to take things a bit too serious sometimes but I guess it’s not a bad thing to be a perfectionist. I might be a difficult person on set but I do try my best to make it up offset. 

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I’m really happy I got a chance to come home for Safina’s birthday. I nearly missed my flight. Gwendoline was a mess yesterday. She was meant to sail me down the river and we took so many takes I lost my patience. I was counting down the hours and I couldn’t wait to get to the airport. All I could think about was that I could not miss Safina's 7th birthday. I had promised Nukaka I would make it. Gwendoline was driving me crazy and I snapped at her. Luckily she managed to get her act together in the end and I made to the airport just in time. Safina looked so pretty in her princess dress. She told me I was the best present ever and that me making it to her party was all she wanted! My sweet little girl! I wish she will never grow up. I dread her turning into a stroppy teenager who would answer back to me, slam her bedroom door and not talk to me for days on end. I hope we’ll never get to that stage. 

I’m getting plenty of attitude from Gwendoline. She’s quite a character in real life as well, not only as Brienne. It’s impressive what a huge difference is between Gwendoline and Brienne. Gwendoline is such a girly girl. You can see what a good actress she is just in the transformation she goes through for her character. Yes, she is a stage actress and she has still things to learn about Tv, but she is pretty amazing just for portraying a character like Brienne who is so far from her own personality. The two couldn't be more different. Brienne is ugly, hard and an innocent when Gwendoline is pretty, girly, soft and a flirt. The things they have in common are determination, they are both hardworking, they are risk-takers and fight for what they think it's right. Oh, and of course they are both feminists! I wish my girls will grow up to be strong women like Gwendoline and Brienne.

I’m looking forward to our next scene. It’s a fight scene, on a bridge. I love sword fighting, it comes quite natural for me after having done this before on other projects. Gwendoline on the other hand, I guess she will struggle. We haven’t rehearsed together yet, but the trainer was saying she’s been working really hard, which translates into she’s not very good at it. But that was last week. She had a whole week of training. I’m curious how she’ll do. I have a feeling she’s very stubborn and determined, I can picture her practising day and night I picture her in a Karate Kid scenario with Mr Miyagy saying wax on wax off. Hahaha! Apparently the trainer has hung dumbells on her waist to give her balls.... hahaha! He’s crazy! I love it! I wish I was there to see that! She’ll probably need a badass music an set to get her warrior act on. Anything she needs to get the scene right. George wrote the fight making lots of sexual innuendos and it is more like a sex scene rather than a fight but they won’t film it like that, they will only focus on the battle and on the fact that they are evenly matched. That’s the moment when Jaime is impressed by her and starts to see her in a different light.

I don't know how Gwendoline manages to keep her armour on all day. I know it's heavy and she doesn't say anything about it. I'm lucky I don't have any armour this season. What a blessing! I must remember to talk to the team to ask for regular brakes for her. She can't be expected to wear that costume all day, it's inhumane! 

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I can’t believe it’s been a few weeks since my last bike ride. We’ve done the sword fight, which Gwendoline nailed, I was just as impressed with her just like Jaime was with Brienne. It was hard work but it looks really good. Jaime lost his hand next. It has been a hard time for me. I don’t like to think of some scenes as being difficult to film but if I were to pick one it would be the one in which I am in a puddle of mud and I am being kicked, I managed to get a bruised rib out of that. In a way, I find it helps being covered in mud, feeling wet and cold. I don’t need to act feeling miserable and in pain because I am. I’m not acting, I am just reacting to the conditions.  
I think I am starting to get a bit of a reputation of being a diva because I have been requesting better work conditions and improvements to the script. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. How would they improve things if no one will tell them to? Most of the cast are green out of school and they would put up with anything but I am a bit more seasoned than that. I have been on many film sets, I worked with many directors and writers, I have good and bad reference points, I know what can be improved and I am not afraid to ask for that for the benefit of everyone. If people have a problem with that, well, it’s their problem. But I will try to dial that down a bit so that I don’t seem to be a real diva. I don’t want that sort of a reputation. But I'll only do that only after the next scene. We’re approaching the bath scene, a very important scene for Jaime, I want to make sure I get it right. Maybe I should meet with D&D to discuss it and to make sure the writing is good. I also need to make sure Gwendoline is ok with the naked aspect of it. I’ll arrange a meeting with the director to set all the rules before shooting. But for now I need to get back. We’re flying to LA to meet a bear. I can’t help but wonder they couldn’t find a bear in Europe?? Did they even try?

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I feel so drained both mentally and physically. I’ve spent the whole day naked in a bathtub with Gwendoline. I’m running purely on adrenaline, probably I will collapse as soon as I will get off the bike, I just hope I won’t fall before that. That would make an interesting headline for the tabloids.  
Shooting naked scenes never gets any more comfortable. I was so nervous about the dialogue, I wanted to get it right and Gwendoline was being Gwendoline and flirting like mad with any pair of pants on set. I wish she would stop that at work. What she does in her own private time is none of my concern but it becomes my concern when it affects work. She really annoyed me today. I had to tell her off several times. I know she was nervous but that does not mean that she has to act like that. If she was nervous, she should have come to me, as her scene partner, a more experienced actor and we could have gone through it together just like when she texted me to tell me she was anxious. I appreciated her honesty and I thought that it would be the same onset, but no, Miss Sexy Pants has to flirt with every man alive in order to get validation. She’s been acting weird and flirting like crazy with everyone since we went to LA. What’s got into her? Was it something in the LA water? I wonder what’s going on with her. I don’t dare to ask her because that would make her defensive and probably she’ll feel threatened but I hope she’ll calm down because she’s annoying. When we were shooting the dinner scene in which I put my hand over hers, I felt a shock when I touched her fingers. It was odd and unexpected. I noticed she has such long fingers. her hands are so delicate. Her physique is impressive, she can look strong and delicate and vulnerable at the same time. It's an interesting combination. We have touched many times during filming but this was the first time when that happened. I wonder if she felt that as well and maybe that scared her off. Oh, Gwendoline, what am I going to do with you? You did a good job today, you really helped me with my monologue but you also pissed me off all day. We do know how to push each other’s buttons, don’t we? We both did a good job today. I’m pleased with how it looked on camera. Now I need to head back to the hotel before my legs fall off.


	2. Self-sabotage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just be honest with yourself. If you’re even considering it, it means it’s true.

I didn’t expect I would go for another ride this soon. I only slept about 4 hours and I’m back out. I think it would be worth it to buy a bike and keep it here. I could go cycling every morning before work. I need to use up my energy in some way. I can’t believe what happened last night after I got back to my room. I took a shower and went to sleep and I woke up mid dream with my heart pounding just a few hours later. I was dreaming about Gwendoline and it scared the shit out of me. She was in the bath, naked, not wearing any of those silly modesty coverings and I was reacting to her in a way that I shouldn’t. I’m a professional actor for fuck's sake! I filmed intimate scenes so many times and I never had dreams of my co-star after. This is so embarrassing. I won’t be able to look her in the eyes after this. I know in the book, George described Jaime as being aroused when he shared the bath with Brienne but I did not want to play it that way at all. The scene was about trust, respect and innocence, nothing sexual about it. Gwendoline drove me mad when she was flirting with the crew and I was so focussed on getting the scene right, not messing up my monologue that I didn’t think even for a second that I might have been attracted to her. I wonder, was I jealous? Oh, this will be a long bike ride. I only need to be back for 8 am. I have more than 4 hours to think this through. It's ok, I have plenty of time to get to the bottom of this.  


Nikolaj, start from the top. Were you jealous? Just be honest with yourself. If you’re even considering it, it means it’s true. Oh shit!  
How long have you been jealous for? Hmmm, was I jealous in LA? Did I notice anything then? She started acting weird then. I remember noticing that. And I noticed that shock when I touched her fingers during that dinner scene. She was so happy she was wearing a dress at last! I noticed her long and delicate fingers. Her skin is so white. If she had black hair she could have been Snow White! Oh no, how can I think of someone as a fairytale princess when I have an amazing wife and two beautiful daughters? Oh no, Nikolaj, you need to nip it in the bud. You can’t even allow yourself to think about it. Just block it. You cannot avoid Gwendoline because you still have to work with her but you can control your thoughts. Remember the brain is like a muscle. You can train it. You have to train it to not go into this. Just place this in a drawer at the back of your brain and lock it up.  


I wonder if she had any indecent thoughts about me... That’s highly unlikely. She’s so bubbly and such a flirt but she never flirts with me. She has been constantly angry at me and avoiding me. I guess it is my own fault. I pushed her away with my „method acting”. I knew I might hurt her feelings and I still did it without any explanation. I guess I could have had a chat with her at the start and discussed how to approach our characters’ interactions instead of just making the decision on my own and imposing it on her without giving her a chance to discuss it or even to get her consent for it. My approach had good results but it was dictatorial of me and selfish. I should have been more supportive.

I liked it when she texted me for advice about our scene. She was anxious and I appreciated her vulnerability. I know she must have been quite desperate for texting me. She wouldn't ask for me to help her even if she were on her death bed and I would be the last person able to save her. I know it took a lot for her to even text me. I admired her courage. It’s quite impressive how she can be strong and vulnerable at the same time. She did a good job with that scene. She has been doing a good job overall. She’s a good actress. I bet she’s really good on stage. That voice just commands the audience and demands attention. With a bit of guidance, she will be great on-screen too.  


Maybe I should be nicer to her now. We are starting to approach the end of the 3rd series and we will soon say goodbye. We don’t know if we’re coming back. D&D like to keep us all on our toes the whole time and they refuse to give away any hints even to the cast. I hate this uncertainty. I like to know what comes next so I can prepare. I can’t wait to read the script for season 4.

Oh, nearly 6 months home. I have a few work projects lined up but being with the girls for 6 months sounds amazing. I can’t wait to drive them to school again. I love acting but I miss my family so much. I enjoy being a dad and doing dad stuff. I can’t wait to play with them and take them out hiking. I need to make the most of my time with them. They are growing up so fast. Soon they will be spending their time with their boyfriends instead of with their dad. 

I wonder does Gwendoline have a boyfriend? She is such a charismatic woman who draws attention everywhere she goes, I doubt she is single. But she certainly doesn’t act like she has a boyfriend. Nikolaj!!! Stop it. It’s none of your business! It’s none of your concern whether she is dating someone or just having casual sex with random people. Or even if she is wearing a chastity belt. It has nothing to do with you. She is just a colleague. You are married, remember? Did you even bother to put you wedding band on today? You have been forgetting it lately. Focus on Nukaka. And stop thinking of Gwendoline. Oh, my sweet Nukaka, the mother of my children. I remember how hard she made me work to get a date with her and then to keep her dating me. She played hard to get because she is a high-value woman and I had to work hard and it’s been worth it. She’s so tolerant of my ambitions and she the most fantastic mother for our girls. I could never have made a better choice than I did. But sometimes I do wonder how my life would have been without her.  


This might be the start of a midlife crisis. Why do I even have to question my life choices? They are all made. No point to dwell on what-ifs, remember? It's a classical case of burnout. Nothing else. I have been working so hard and being away from my family is hard. I know that as soon as I go home and spend a couple of weeks with them I will get itchy feet and I will want to go off on another project but I do miss them. I wish they could travel with me.

It’s good we have this long break. It will give me time to sort myself out. I think I need some me-time. I need to go camping on my own for a few days. I should book that. Nukaka won’t mind. She knows I need some time alone. We’ve learned over the years we both need space. The secret to a successful relationship is time spent apart. I can’t remember where I heard that but it certainly makes sense for us. We are rocking this long-distance relationship stuff and the passion between us has never died. I should also book a romantic trip for Nukaka and I. We need some adult time, alone. I guess I’m just horny that’s why I dreamed of Gwendoline. It was not attraction but just abstinence. I don’t know why I panicked. It’s fine. It makes sense. Oh, I can go back now. Problem solved. See? Better than therapy.

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Back home at last! The girls were so happy to see me and I spent some quality time with them and Nukaka. It all feels so right when I am at home. It's like I have a double life. The me at work and me at home. Two different men sharing one life or was it one man having two different lives? I don't know anymore. Which one is the real-life and which one is just an act? All I know is that I am a lucky man. I get the best of both worlds. 

Today I received the script for season 4. It's good. They haven't killed Jaime yet. Brienne is still in the game as well. I am tempted to text Gwendoline and comment on the script but I promised myself I will not contact her at all during these months. I need time to make sure I'm not harbouring any inappropriate feelings. Whatever I started noticing has to go away and time is the best cure for this sort of stuff. We'll start fresh soon. It will be interesting. Jaime and Brienne's tension starts to turn slightly romantic. Nothing happens of course, but their interactions have some romantic hints. Technically speaking we have very few scenes together in this season. Which is good news for my own peace of mind. What is also good is that we will be in Croatia. Sunny weather at last! That reminds me I must book some holidays with the girls as soon as I get my schedule. They will love the Adriatic! The water is so blue! If Tarth was a real island, it would probably be in the Adriatic Sea.

The last day on set was odd, it was weird to say goodbye to everyone. You never know if you'll meet them again or not. The show has a reputation of getting rid of characters so it always feels like it might be the last time you see them. I am used with this sort of work. You meet people, you work together, you get close pretty quickly because of how intense and fast-paced work is and then in a few weeks or months you have to say goodbye and part ways and maybe if you're lucky you work together again on another project years later. Saying goodbye to Gwendoline felt awkward. She looked uncomfortable so I didn't give her a hug like I did with everyone else. I thought I wouldn't impose my presence on her. She still gets angry with me every day but we are also getting on at the same time. It's a weird dysfunctional partnership like an old couple who can't stand each other but have to stay together so they argue all the time. Apparently the fans love the Jaime-Brienne relationship. They love their interactions. If only they knew we're not that far from that ourselves! They would probably pay just to watch us argue in between takes. In a masochistic way, I miss her sarcastic replies and the rolling of her eyes to my bad jokes. Her eyes remind me of the Adriatic. I bet she'll be pleased to spend some time in the sun as well. Would she get burnt easily? That is such a stupid question Nikolaj, remember what you said earlier! Focus on your family and not on Gwendoline. Now go back and be a dad, stop this self-sabotage! Stick to your choices!


End file.
